Phonophobia

Heyyyy.. yahan Telephone ka ghanti bahut bajta hai!!! Bahut galat cheez banaya yeh telephone, Admi sochta kuch hai aur kehta kuch hai aur karta kuch hai – Vijay DeenaNath Chauhan


Udayan Khurana once told me that you need to have figures to put stress on facts. Not that I want to prove anything but still; India has 635.51 Million mobile phone users as of June 2010, which was 5 million in 2001.


I was having a random conversation with a female friend about how the entire species is held captive by the telephone. Mobile phone, which was one considered a status symbol back in late 90s and early 2000 in India, has now become the fourth leg of the necessity table. The other three being Roti, Kapda aur Makan (food, clothes and shelter). Your love can be quantified in terms of the time you spend on phone. You don’t need to do anything thing to prove your love but talk endlessly on phone. The ones who wanted to pluck stars from heaven for their love should keep their right hands safe for better things coz they will need the right hand for the lonely and erected. We are so dependent on our phones that one day without a phone and we are like soldiers with out the guns. Who created whom? Things you own end up owning you. We are trapped in a prison of our own.


I know there are many love stories that couldn’t have sprouted had there be no phones. Mine was unfortunately (or fortunately) suffocated by the radio signals and since then love has been a nightmare to me.


Whats worse than a cell phone? Grandfather's fart. And worse than that? Cheap calling rates. Yes. That’s Lucifer himself wrapped in technology. It is the devil’s weapon of choice against love, disguised as an agent of love.

My ex had this very weird definition of staying in touch. She wanted me be on the phone every waking hour, even sometime while I was sleeping. I have never had an opportunity of calling her in the evening and telling her how my day went. She use to be there on the phone all the fudging time. I had not disliked anything about her but her phone usage and that was the only thing she liked and couldn’t change. I thing she liked talking to me on phone more than she liked me. When I told her that I am done talking on phone, she dumped me.

I met another girl; she was crazier than the one before. One day I didn’t take my phone take my phone to office and when I came back, to my horror, I had around 80 missed calls. I was shit scared. I called her back and she said, “I was just wonder, why weren’t you picking up the call”. This second one even had a camera in her phone and she had to click picture of every damn thing she saw. She has even surpassed the Japanese in the field.

Most of the house parties are also a spoilt due to this. Every time someone will get drunk and he would want to know what his old crushes are up to. If you listen to these guys talking, they sound like someone took their balls out and slowly inserted a tampon. Then even few have sworn by their girlfriends that they will never drink, that doesn’t stop them from drinking, they just don’t drink enough to enjoy it. Yaar teri Bharjai ne sau’n khawai aa daru nu hath nahi lana.

Enlsh tk d bgst hit coz f dis culutre, ppl strtd 2 wrt n a vry odd wy 2 mk d txt msg lk hip, nd it bcme a cult. I hv evn rcvd msgs rltd 2 wrk in offc tht lkd lk ths. Soon, vowels and punctuations wll b xtnct, n-dngrd spcs.


Me being neat, slim and single doesn’t mean I am a gay. I am single because I so shit scared of being zombied by the phone calls. Abhay is so lucky to have an image of not being regular with his phone, he doesn't have any obligation to call people back. I wish Hallmark comes up with a “No Phone Day” just like it came up with Valentine’s Day and I might fall in love for a day. I hope we are able to segregate ourselves from the technology. I hope we will be free one day.

By the way, Abhay if you are reading this, call me!!!