Domestic Violence

I was visiting my parents sometime back. I had a good time. It was all eating and sleeping for me in that house. The food is always brought to my bed, where I can eat and take a nap afterwards. Watch TV all the time and I even get to pick what I want to watch, that basically me surfing through the channels.

The last night at my folks was rather a sad one. I witnessed something I never thought I will, in our so called civilized society. There is a very calm looking couple living next door with two young kids. That last night at my parents place I was appalled hearing that lady screaming and shouting for help. Her husband was like a bull set free on a matador tied to a lamppost. I don’t know whether that guy was wasted or something else. I even thought he caught his wife cheating on him, later I found out it has happened before. Soon the entire neighborhood was an audience to the freak show. Some people interfered and put a period to it.

But was he actually pacified? Will he not attempt to hit her again? I feel sorry for the kids who had to go through all this. Later, the blame was put on the husband. Everybody had some suggestions and everybody said, “He is such an educated guy”.
But one question is still believe is unanswered to me. Is it entirely the husband’s fault? I am not being a male chauvinist here neither I believe that the strength of a man lies in his fist or his balls to be unloaded on the opposite sex. But this is as much the wife’s fault as it is of her husband’s. She has been sitting and taking the shit from her husband all this while. Do we talk about women education just for them to go to college and get degrees? Is “Standing on one’s feet” is merely a remark? This lady in the picture has a Masters in Law. When I asked, why the lady hasn’t taken any action yet, the answer was quite a cliché, “She doesn’t want her family to fall apart, she care for her kids.” I don’t really think their wagon is going any distance with one dysfunctional wheel, or both for that matter. As for kids, I am sure this isn’t the kind of education they need to have.

The only person who can end a violence is the one who is suffering from it. You (Ladies) put yourself on the other side of the knife and the story is all together different. You need to show that if you had ball they would have been bigger than the ones who slapped you. This is not about who is physically stronger, but who has a stronger heart. Its not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it’s the size of fight inside the dog that matters. If you have strength to take all the crap for your kids, then have the strength for fighting back for your kids. They will know better how to stand against crime and violence.

Phonophobia

Heyyyy.. yahan Telephone ka ghanti bahut bajta hai!!! Bahut galat cheez banaya yeh telephone, Admi sochta kuch hai aur kehta kuch hai aur karta kuch hai – Vijay DeenaNath Chauhan


Udayan Khurana once told me that you need to have figures to put stress on facts. Not that I want to prove anything but still; India has 635.51 Million mobile phone users as of June 2010, which was 5 million in 2001.


I was having a random conversation with a female friend about how the entire species is held captive by the telephone. Mobile phone, which was one considered a status symbol back in late 90s and early 2000 in India, has now become the fourth leg of the necessity table. The other three being Roti, Kapda aur Makan (food, clothes and shelter). Your love can be quantified in terms of the time you spend on phone. You don’t need to do anything thing to prove your love but talk endlessly on phone. The ones who wanted to pluck stars from heaven for their love should keep their right hands safe for better things coz they will need the right hand for the lonely and erected. We are so dependent on our phones that one day without a phone and we are like soldiers with out the guns. Who created whom? Things you own end up owning you. We are trapped in a prison of our own.


I know there are many love stories that couldn’t have sprouted had there be no phones. Mine was unfortunately (or fortunately) suffocated by the radio signals and since then love has been a nightmare to me.


Whats worse than a cell phone? Grandfather's fart. And worse than that? Cheap calling rates. Yes. That’s Lucifer himself wrapped in technology. It is the devil’s weapon of choice against love, disguised as an agent of love.

My ex had this very weird definition of staying in touch. She wanted me be on the phone every waking hour, even sometime while I was sleeping. I have never had an opportunity of calling her in the evening and telling her how my day went. She use to be there on the phone all the fudging time. I had not disliked anything about her but her phone usage and that was the only thing she liked and couldn’t change. I thing she liked talking to me on phone more than she liked me. When I told her that I am done talking on phone, she dumped me.

I met another girl; she was crazier than the one before. One day I didn’t take my phone take my phone to office and when I came back, to my horror, I had around 80 missed calls. I was shit scared. I called her back and she said, “I was just wonder, why weren’t you picking up the call”. This second one even had a camera in her phone and she had to click picture of every damn thing she saw. She has even surpassed the Japanese in the field.

Most of the house parties are also a spoilt due to this. Every time someone will get drunk and he would want to know what his old crushes are up to. If you listen to these guys talking, they sound like someone took their balls out and slowly inserted a tampon. Then even few have sworn by their girlfriends that they will never drink, that doesn’t stop them from drinking, they just don’t drink enough to enjoy it. Yaar teri Bharjai ne sau’n khawai aa daru nu hath nahi lana.

Enlsh tk d bgst hit coz f dis culutre, ppl strtd 2 wrt n a vry odd wy 2 mk d txt msg lk hip, nd it bcme a cult. I hv evn rcvd msgs rltd 2 wrk in offc tht lkd lk ths. Soon, vowels and punctuations wll b xtnct, n-dngrd spcs.


Me being neat, slim and single doesn’t mean I am a gay. I am single because I so shit scared of being zombied by the phone calls. Abhay is so lucky to have an image of not being regular with his phone, he doesn't have any obligation to call people back. I wish Hallmark comes up with a “No Phone Day” just like it came up with Valentine’s Day and I might fall in love for a day. I hope we are able to segregate ourselves from the technology. I hope we will be free one day.

By the way, Abhay if you are reading this, call me!!!

Changing Lanes - The experiment

A beautiful picture. Now have a look at the traffic, anything is going in any lane.

Observation: Today I was riding shotgun on my way back from office; I realized my driver has a serious disorder. The Changing Lane disorder or Mylane-o-slow phobia. The victim always feels that the lane he is driving in is always slow. He keeps on changing lanes. He feels that there is a secret lane somewhere and if he land in there he can go supersonic. During busy office hours we travel more horizontally than vertically. I have noticed that this is a communicable disease. Once a victim is spotted changing lanes, people in the victim’s blast diameter also start doing the same, also popularly known as Lain Chain Reaction. Soon, the disorder spreads to the other parts of the city and within hours the city is the last half an hour of Resident Evil. The victims ego also plays an important role, when is observes another victim entered his lane right in front of him. He will try to go in all lanes in order to overtake the other victim. This disorder is mostly observed in drivers driving a car with yellow number plate.

Geographical Location: NCR, increases while moving away from the nodal city to satellite towns.

Cause: I am not really sure about this and the research work is still under progress, but I believe the root cause of the problem is frustration, most importantly, sexual frustration. If you carefully observe the subject, he is always trying to get a glimpse at the Catalyst. You may note the change of the skin color with increasing cup size. In some extreme cases you may also note the effervescence of a particular gas with extreme pungent smell.

Symptoms: Other than changing lanes, honking frequently and switching radio channels (more to be disclosed on this later)

Possible Solutions: Since the research is still in progress, infallible solutions are very difficult to state. But considering the disease is so stern some solutions have been proposed:
1. Legalize Prostitution- The one to suffer from the current prostitution scene is the Government. When it can squeeze out so much tax out of this profession, it is just spending money in trying to stop it.
2. Free Porn- The movie theater should have free porn shows for the less fortunate on Sunday night, so that other people can have a better Monday mornings.


Note: Point number 2 under Possible Solutions should be carefully monitored for dose. Excess dose can worse the victim’s condition and his right hand. Point 1 should be accompanied by a condom. The Experiment was conducted on male drivers, female drivers are still a mystery that will be unfolded after the mystery of Bermuda Triangle.

More to be explored on point 1.