Choices

As the news of innocent kids being murdered by a dumb schmuck reached us through our conventional Facebook updates, I saw a lot of people extended their regards and love to the family of these kids. The families of these kids will recover but will never forget the morning when they packed lunch for their loved ones and dropped them off to school saying “see you in the evening”. My heart aches for the kids who survived this catastrophe and are torn for the rest of their lives. I was 6 when my grandfather was gunned down in the name of religion, 22 years later I still remember the chaos in my family during that time.

I totally agree with Bill Maher when he says, “Sorry but prayers and giving your kids hugs fix nothing; only having the balls to stand up to our insane selfish gun culture will.” I believe we are missing a major point here. There is a person who has a reason to fire shots at elementary school children including himself (I hope he was not hopping to get out of this alive) and there cannot be a more bloodcurdling thought than this. Do we really think that if gun laws were stricter and arms and ammunition were not easily accessible, this guy would have stopped. This person could have come up with some other way, and could have been even more horrifying than this.

Now imagine, such a motivated person spending his life for peace or science and technology or fighting for greater good. We have been ignoring the fact that discipline or the very lack of same is tearing this society apart. Few weeks back I was talking to my friends about Malala, who was shot only to raise her voice for better living environment and how some people would dare to put an innocent child down saying that their religion doesn’t permit that. Now most of these extremist are uneducated and motivated by something as little as a chicken dinner, but what about these well fed, well educated idiots?

There are policies being implemented at various levels to attempt to curb gun violence such as “gun buyback”. But these policies have proved significantly useless. We point fingers at the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution but this is only if we believe that fire arms can’t be obtained from illegal sources. But it all boils down to one thing, how we bring up our kids and what we teach them. And as far as I know there won’t be any amendment in the constitution for teaching your child to know better.

There are people living in torn up nations who live every moment in the fear of a bullet searching for a passage through their skulls, these people don’t have a choice, you do. Teach your kids to use crayons and not guns.

Taunts

Compliments can sometimes be major taunts. May be directly targeting a person or indirectly insulting the rest of the crowd.
I was reading a newspaper article on Sachin Tendulkar. It compared the legendary cricketer with many sports stars of our time. But the ending was quite intriguing yet disgusting. It said there was no one like Sachin and there will never be anyone like him (not the exact words). Although Sachin represents India and we Indian are proud of such a remarkable player but isn’t the statement, never be anyone like him, a taunt to the rest of the country or even rest of the world for that matter? I don’t think I really need to put batting stats of his in support of his laudable achievements and more over any record or stat of Sachin or in cricket is made obsolete in no time by the legend himself. That being said, I still can’t believe that there can’t be another cricketer, in the future, to match Sachin’s figures or even go past him. I am sure same thing must have said about Sir Don Bradman and still we believe Sachin is God. What does that make Bradman? Retired God? I believe the media should stop making such futuristic remarks and should report unbiased news. Although a very humble human being and very experienced cricket, he can be under lot of pressure with such that such articles in media, such limelight right before the commencement of a Major event. Must we not forget since Sachin has been in the Indian team, India has never been able to get the World Cup home. The ICC T20 World Cup that India won was without Sachin Tendulkar. Good enough reasons to discard the statement never will be another such as he.


Speaking of taunts I believe the Hallmark generated days, such as Valentine’s day, Father’s Day, Mother’s day, Women’s day are all taunt. Do women feel proud when someone wishes them Happy Women’s Day? Doesn’t it indirectly means, “be happy for this very day, for the rest of year will not be yours”. I don’t think you need a special day to make someone feel special. If you are in love 365 days is a Valentine’s day. If you respect women, everyday is a women’s day. If you believe in a fresh start every day is a Happy New Year.


There are many people I know you abstain themselves from eating non vegetarian food and/or consuming alcohol on particular days of the week. The reason is not known by anyone. I haven’t met anyone who has told me why he/she observes such a day in a week, but mostly because they have some misplaced sense of religious act in their heads. These religious pimps have got most of human kind (most of what I have seen) really scared. They believe that someone is keeping track of the number of chickens and amount of alcohol consumed on Tuesdays and/or on Thurdays? I don’t believe that if consuming tasty things are not good then just not good then just not having on Tuesdays and Thursday will be of any benefit for my soul. This is a direct taunt to anyone you worship on these days. I know people who would not drink on Tuesdays and Thursdays and will drink like crazies rest of the week. This only means that you believe that “God” who is so powerful will have a grudge against you only for consuming alcohol on Tuesdays and Thurdays? You are cheating on taxes, you are stealing, you are swearing at people, you don’t respect your parents, you are unkind to the weak, you don’t do your work honestly, you don’t obey society rules, all this will be pardoned but just a chicken or Whisky on Tuesday will be punish. You are not respecting the so called image of God, you are taunting Him by observing such stupid rules. If want to drink, get hammered do it whenever you want, if you don’t then quit it forever. Your eating and drink is for your body and your soul will have no impact.



PS: If you are reading this that means hopefully you have read the article above too. It might contain grammatical and structural error. I got so boring, I didn’t want to read it again just to correct the mistakes.

College Stunts

This one was done by Mogo and I in college. Although a shitty sound recording from a phone camera, a phone ringing in between, cameraman Pondi comments, we still loved this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd5zFb-yGQM

Fakebook

I was talking to a friend of mine and to my appall I learned that few firms have fired people just on the basis of obscene pictures they have put up on their Facebook profile. This is yet another weapon these Firing Squads are using to their advantage. Zuckerberg did not only change the course of communication but the course of entire mankind. I remember the words of Piyush when I had just set my sail in the sea of social networking “Wyski, Facebook is not what you are, but what you pretend to be”. We take close-up picture and put it on the main profile because we don’t want people to see what out body looks like. We flash dimples on our cheeks so as to look cute. We photoshop our picture and make it more white because we what to look fair. We display gadgets, bikes, cars and our social groups in our pictures to show what and who we hang out with. Most of these consumerist bi-products don’t even belong to us. Most of the people smiling in our pictures usually smile only because they know they will be tagged in those pictures. There have been so many relationships that I know started, nourished and ended only on the basis of few Hypertext Transfer Protocols. One guy I know, he believes he is rich because he has too many Mafia Points to spare. Mafia Wars is another third party destruction after the mighty Farmville. There are more Farmville players on Facebook that there are farmers in America. Now we only pose in a picture for Facebook. Then we call up the author to remove the pictures that somehow managed to depict our real face.
Facebook registration should be as Morpheus recruiting Neo in The Matrix, “This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” And unfortunately if you on the registration page, you will take the Red pill. And then the day comes when you think, “Why oh Why didn’t I take the BLUE pill.” Facebook has become the Hotel California of internet. You can check in anytime you like but you can never leave.
Facebook has done some good to the less fortunate who, under any other circumstance wouldn’t have been able to talk to a member of opposite sex. Here are some approaching techniques:
1. “Like” the picture, video or status message of the target.
2. Comment on the picture of target, to like you are not targeting the target but other people or the backdrop in the picture. “Wow!!! You guys had a good party last night, damn I missed it (since I was not invited)”. “Wow!! Nice location, where is this?” (little bold to ask a question and very stupid to wait for a reply).
3. This is little tricky, comment on a picture that the target has already ‘Like(d)’ or comment on. This way you have indirectly let your smartness out. Since the target will get a notification of your comment, you hope you will get noticed.
4. You get a little smarter. You wait until you have few friends in common, then you send in a friend request with a message, “Your profile kept appearing on my suggested friend list, so I thought of sending you are friend request”. You could have also said, “I am really desperate”, end of the story.
5. Last one I can think of is on the top of the fake list, “I just want to remember the birthdays and anniversaries, so I am sending friend requests to all”.
I am sure Zuckerberg’s intentions were not to push the entire generation into an abyss but then again Oppenheimer also didn’t create the Nuclear Bomb just for the fireworks.
We still have hope, read a book, eat good food, drink wine, make love, get out of Facebook, show you are alive.

Domestic Violence

I was visiting my parents sometime back. I had a good time. It was all eating and sleeping for me in that house. The food is always brought to my bed, where I can eat and take a nap afterwards. Watch TV all the time and I even get to pick what I want to watch, that basically me surfing through the channels.

The last night at my folks was rather a sad one. I witnessed something I never thought I will, in our so called civilized society. There is a very calm looking couple living next door with two young kids. That last night at my parents place I was appalled hearing that lady screaming and shouting for help. Her husband was like a bull set free on a matador tied to a lamppost. I don’t know whether that guy was wasted or something else. I even thought he caught his wife cheating on him, later I found out it has happened before. Soon the entire neighborhood was an audience to the freak show. Some people interfered and put a period to it.

But was he actually pacified? Will he not attempt to hit her again? I feel sorry for the kids who had to go through all this. Later, the blame was put on the husband. Everybody had some suggestions and everybody said, “He is such an educated guy”.
But one question is still believe is unanswered to me. Is it entirely the husband’s fault? I am not being a male chauvinist here neither I believe that the strength of a man lies in his fist or his balls to be unloaded on the opposite sex. But this is as much the wife’s fault as it is of her husband’s. She has been sitting and taking the shit from her husband all this while. Do we talk about women education just for them to go to college and get degrees? Is “Standing on one’s feet” is merely a remark? This lady in the picture has a Masters in Law. When I asked, why the lady hasn’t taken any action yet, the answer was quite a cliché, “She doesn’t want her family to fall apart, she care for her kids.” I don’t really think their wagon is going any distance with one dysfunctional wheel, or both for that matter. As for kids, I am sure this isn’t the kind of education they need to have.

The only person who can end a violence is the one who is suffering from it. You (Ladies) put yourself on the other side of the knife and the story is all together different. You need to show that if you had ball they would have been bigger than the ones who slapped you. This is not about who is physically stronger, but who has a stronger heart. Its not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it’s the size of fight inside the dog that matters. If you have strength to take all the crap for your kids, then have the strength for fighting back for your kids. They will know better how to stand against crime and violence.

Phonophobia

Heyyyy.. yahan Telephone ka ghanti bahut bajta hai!!! Bahut galat cheez banaya yeh telephone, Admi sochta kuch hai aur kehta kuch hai aur karta kuch hai – Vijay DeenaNath Chauhan


Udayan Khurana once told me that you need to have figures to put stress on facts. Not that I want to prove anything but still; India has 635.51 Million mobile phone users as of June 2010, which was 5 million in 2001.


I was having a random conversation with a female friend about how the entire species is held captive by the telephone. Mobile phone, which was one considered a status symbol back in late 90s and early 2000 in India, has now become the fourth leg of the necessity table. The other three being Roti, Kapda aur Makan (food, clothes and shelter). Your love can be quantified in terms of the time you spend on phone. You don’t need to do anything thing to prove your love but talk endlessly on phone. The ones who wanted to pluck stars from heaven for their love should keep their right hands safe for better things coz they will need the right hand for the lonely and erected. We are so dependent on our phones that one day without a phone and we are like soldiers with out the guns. Who created whom? Things you own end up owning you. We are trapped in a prison of our own.


I know there are many love stories that couldn’t have sprouted had there be no phones. Mine was unfortunately (or fortunately) suffocated by the radio signals and since then love has been a nightmare to me.


Whats worse than a cell phone? Grandfather's fart. And worse than that? Cheap calling rates. Yes. That’s Lucifer himself wrapped in technology. It is the devil’s weapon of choice against love, disguised as an agent of love.

My ex had this very weird definition of staying in touch. She wanted me be on the phone every waking hour, even sometime while I was sleeping. I have never had an opportunity of calling her in the evening and telling her how my day went. She use to be there on the phone all the fudging time. I had not disliked anything about her but her phone usage and that was the only thing she liked and couldn’t change. I thing she liked talking to me on phone more than she liked me. When I told her that I am done talking on phone, she dumped me.

I met another girl; she was crazier than the one before. One day I didn’t take my phone take my phone to office and when I came back, to my horror, I had around 80 missed calls. I was shit scared. I called her back and she said, “I was just wonder, why weren’t you picking up the call”. This second one even had a camera in her phone and she had to click picture of every damn thing she saw. She has even surpassed the Japanese in the field.

Most of the house parties are also a spoilt due to this. Every time someone will get drunk and he would want to know what his old crushes are up to. If you listen to these guys talking, they sound like someone took their balls out and slowly inserted a tampon. Then even few have sworn by their girlfriends that they will never drink, that doesn’t stop them from drinking, they just don’t drink enough to enjoy it. Yaar teri Bharjai ne sau’n khawai aa daru nu hath nahi lana.

Enlsh tk d bgst hit coz f dis culutre, ppl strtd 2 wrt n a vry odd wy 2 mk d txt msg lk hip, nd it bcme a cult. I hv evn rcvd msgs rltd 2 wrk in offc tht lkd lk ths. Soon, vowels and punctuations wll b xtnct, n-dngrd spcs.


Me being neat, slim and single doesn’t mean I am a gay. I am single because I so shit scared of being zombied by the phone calls. Abhay is so lucky to have an image of not being regular with his phone, he doesn't have any obligation to call people back. I wish Hallmark comes up with a “No Phone Day” just like it came up with Valentine’s Day and I might fall in love for a day. I hope we are able to segregate ourselves from the technology. I hope we will be free one day.

By the way, Abhay if you are reading this, call me!!!

Changing Lanes - The experiment

A beautiful picture. Now have a look at the traffic, anything is going in any lane.

Observation: Today I was riding shotgun on my way back from office; I realized my driver has a serious disorder. The Changing Lane disorder or Mylane-o-slow phobia. The victim always feels that the lane he is driving in is always slow. He keeps on changing lanes. He feels that there is a secret lane somewhere and if he land in there he can go supersonic. During busy office hours we travel more horizontally than vertically. I have noticed that this is a communicable disease. Once a victim is spotted changing lanes, people in the victim’s blast diameter also start doing the same, also popularly known as Lain Chain Reaction. Soon, the disorder spreads to the other parts of the city and within hours the city is the last half an hour of Resident Evil. The victims ego also plays an important role, when is observes another victim entered his lane right in front of him. He will try to go in all lanes in order to overtake the other victim. This disorder is mostly observed in drivers driving a car with yellow number plate.

Geographical Location: NCR, increases while moving away from the nodal city to satellite towns.

Cause: I am not really sure about this and the research work is still under progress, but I believe the root cause of the problem is frustration, most importantly, sexual frustration. If you carefully observe the subject, he is always trying to get a glimpse at the Catalyst. You may note the change of the skin color with increasing cup size. In some extreme cases you may also note the effervescence of a particular gas with extreme pungent smell.

Symptoms: Other than changing lanes, honking frequently and switching radio channels (more to be disclosed on this later)

Possible Solutions: Since the research is still in progress, infallible solutions are very difficult to state. But considering the disease is so stern some solutions have been proposed:
1. Legalize Prostitution- The one to suffer from the current prostitution scene is the Government. When it can squeeze out so much tax out of this profession, it is just spending money in trying to stop it.
2. Free Porn- The movie theater should have free porn shows for the less fortunate on Sunday night, so that other people can have a better Monday mornings.


Note: Point number 2 under Possible Solutions should be carefully monitored for dose. Excess dose can worse the victim’s condition and his right hand. Point 1 should be accompanied by a condom. The Experiment was conducted on male drivers, female drivers are still a mystery that will be unfolded after the mystery of Bermuda Triangle.

More to be explored on point 1.